Online EMDR Therapist & Counsellor — UK & International
Pete Tobias Counselling
Shame
Physical Pain
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AuDHD
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Low confidence or self-esteem
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Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), ADHD and EMDR Therapy
Neurodiversity-affirming online EMDR therapy for ADHD adults experiencing the emotional pain of rejection, criticism and exclusion.
If you're reading this page, there's a good chance that Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), rejection, criticism or feeling excluded affects you far more deeply than other people seem to understand.
Perhaps a comment stays with you for days. Perhaps you replay conversations in your mind, wondering whether you've upset someone. Perhaps you avoid opportunities, relationships or difficult conversations because the possibility of rejection feels almost unbearable.
For many ADHD adults, rejection isn't simply an upsetting emotion. It can be experienced as an intense emotional and physical pain that floods the mind, body and nervous system. Emerging research helps explain why this experience may feel so overwhelming for some ADHD adults, with studies suggesting that social rejection can activate some of the same brain regions involved in processing physical pain and that differences in emotional regulation networks may contribute to experiencing emotions more intensely.
Your experience is valid.
For many ADHD adults, the emotional pain of rejection is intense and very real. It can affect relationships, work, family life, confidence and the freedom to engage with the world in the way you would like.
Let's begin by understanding where you have been, where you are now, and what you hope for from the future. Together, we can work towards reducing the pain carried from the past, easing the suffering experienced in the present, and building a different path into the future.
My aim isn't simply to help you understand rejection sensitivity.
It's to help you understand why your experience makes sense, and how therapy may help you work with it differently.
Why Does Rejection Feel So Overwhelming?
For many ADHD adults, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) can feel confusing. You may recognise that your reaction feels stronger than the situation appears to warrant, yet in the moment it doesn't feel exaggerated. It feels real.
Rather than asking, "What's wrong with me?" it can be more helpful to ask, "Why does my mind and body respond this way?"
Part of the answer may lie in the interaction between your neurotype and your life experiences.
Emerging research suggests that ADHD adults may process social rejection differently from non-ADHD adults. At the same time, many ADHD adults describe growing up feeling different, misunderstood, criticised, excluded or repeatedly rejected. Over time, these experiences can shape how future situations are interpreted and experienced.
From my perspective, it's the combination of neurotype differences and life experiences that often provides the most helpful understanding. Together, they can create an understandable sensitivity to rejection that continues to affect the present, even when the original experiences are long behind us.
When viewed through this lens, rejection sensitivity is no longer a sign that you're broken or "too sensitive." Instead, it becomes an understandable response to both your neurotype and the experiences that have shaped you.
Your mind, body and nervous system have adapted in an effort to protect you. The encouraging news is that adaptations can also change.
Wondering Whether Therapy Is Right For You?
You don't need to have everything figured out before getting in touch. A complimentary 15-minute consultation gives us the opportunity to discuss what's bringing you to therapy, answer any questions you may have, and help you decide whether I feel like the right therapist for you.
Why Understanding Isn't Always Enough
For many ADHD adults, discovering Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) can be a turning point. Finally having words to describe your experience can bring relief, self-compassion and a greater understanding of yourself.
Understanding your experience matters.
However, understanding alone doesn't always change how you feel.
You may know that someone isn't rejecting you, yet your body reacts as though they are. You may recognise that a situation isn't dangerous, yet your mind, emotions and nervous system respond as though it is.
Talking therapies encompass many different approaches. Whilst insight can be transformative, it doesn't always reduce the emotional or physical intensity of experiences that continue to be activated in the present.
This is one of the reasons I value EMDR. Alongside developing a deeper understanding of yourself, EMDR works with the emotional, cognitive and somatic aspects of distress. The aim isn't simply to understand why rejection feels so overwhelming, but to help reduce its impact so you have greater freedom in how you think, feel and respond.
How EMDR May Help Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
My approach isn't to focus solely on the rejection you experience today.
Instead, we begin by understanding where those responses may have come from and what continues to keep them active in the present.
For many ADHD adults, this may include experiences of feeling different, misunderstood, criticised, excluded, abandoned or repeatedly rejected. Sometimes there are one or two significant memories that stand out. More often, there is a thread running through many experiences that together has shaped the way rejection is experienced today.
EMDR provides a way of processing these experiences so they no longer carry the same emotional, cognitive and somatic intensity. Rather than repeatedly returning to patterns of fear, shame or self-criticism, many ADHD adults begin to experience greater freedom in how they think, feel and respond.
The aim isn't to change who you are.
It's to help ensure that experiences from the past no longer have the same influence over your present or your future, allowing you to engage more confidently with relationships, work and the life you want to live.
Why Work With Me?
Choosing a therapist is an important decision, particularly when your greatest fear may be feeling misunderstood, judged or rejected.
My aim is to provide a therapeutic space where you feel safe enough to explore experiences that may have felt too painful or overwhelming to process alone.
As an EMDR Europe Accredited Practitioner and BACP Accredited Counsellor, I work with ADHD adults and other neurodivergent adults experiencing trauma, anxiety and the lasting impact of difficult life experiences. Alongside my clinical experience, I also bring lived experience of neurodivergence, including rejection sensitivity, which informs how I understand and adapt therapy.
Whether rejection sensitivity has been part of your life for many years or you've only recently found words that describe your experience, therapy offers an opportunity to understand it in a different way—and to begin changing your relationship with it.
It's about understanding yourself with greater compassion, processing what continues to hold you back, and supporting you in moving from surviving towards living—and, ultimately, towards thriving.
Moving Beyond Survival
One of the most difficult aspects of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) is that it can begin to shape the way you live your life.
You may avoid situations where rejection feels possible, hold back from opportunities that matter to you, or remain constantly alert for signs that something has gone wrong. Over time, life can become more about protecting yourself than fully engaging with it.
Therapy isn't about ensuring that rejection never hurts again.
It's about helping you respond with greater freedom, choice and self-compassion. As the emotional intensity of past experiences begins to reduce, many ADHD adults find themselves feeling more present, less overwhelmed and more confident to engage with relationships, work, family life and the opportunities that matter to them.
What feels unending, unrelenting and intolerable today doesn't have to remain that way.
Take the First Step
If you've recognised yourself in what you've read, you don't need to decide today whether to begin therapy.
The first step is simply a conversation.
A complimentary 15-minute consultation gives us the opportunity to discuss what's bringing you to therapy, answer any questions you may have, and explore whether EMDR feels like the right approach for you. Just as importantly, it gives you the opportunity to decide whether I feel like the right therapist to support you.
There is no pressure and no obligation to continue afterwards.
My hope is that you'll leave our first conversation feeling heard, understood and with a clearer sense of the path ahead.
Book your complimentary 15-minute consultation.
Testimonials
Continue Exploring
EMDR Therapy – Learn how EMDR works and the types of difficulties it can help with.
EMDR for ADHD Adults – Explore how EMDR can be adapted for ADHD adults through a neurodiversity-affirming approach.
What Is EMDR Therapy? – An evidence-informed introduction to EMDR, including how memories are processed and why it can be effective.
Online EMDR Therapy – Learn about online EMDR, what to expect and the evidence supporting its effectiveness.
EMDR for Autistic Adults – Discover how EMDR can be adapted for autistic adults within a neurodiversity-affirming therapeutic framework.
My location
I specialise in online EMDR therapy — a NICE-recommended, evidence-based treatment for trauma, PTSD and anxiety. As an EMDR Europe Accredited Practitioner, I offer a safe and supportive space for clients to process trauma and find growth and healing, all via secure video from the comfort of their own home.
Please get in touch to arrange a free 15-minute consultation — an opportunity to ask any questions and get a sense of what it might be like to work together.
Fees & availability
Counselling and EMDR sessions for individuals are 50 minutes long and usually take place on a weekly basis. The cost per session is £100. Please get in touch to enquire about availability and further information about pricing.
If you want to cancel an appointment, I require 48 hours’ notice, otherwise you will need to pay for sessions missed.
If you are experiencing difficulties and are looking for EMDR therapy online or counselling, please complete the booking form to arrange a no-pressure, free 15-minute consultation, or proceed to book an initial full assessment session for online EMDR therapy and counselling.
Take the First Step
If something on this page has resonated with you, I'd be pleased to hear from you. Whether you're ready to begin EMDR or simply have questions about how it works, you're welcome to arrange a complimentary 15-minute consultation.
There is no obligation to continue afterwards. The consultation simply provides an opportunity to decide whether working together feels like the right fit.
Get in touch
If you have any questions about EMDR therapy or Online Counselling, you’re very welcome to get in touch. I offer a free 15-minute consultation—an opportunity for us to talk about what’s bringing you to therapy, whether EMDR could be a helpful approach, and whether we might be a good fit to work together.
You can:
- Fill out the contact form
- Or call or message me on +44 (0)7815 156 495 if you'd prefer to speak directly or leave a voicemail.
I’m happy to answer any questions you may have before booking your first appointment.
I aim to respond to all enquiries within 24 hours. All contact is treated with the utmost confidentiality and handled using secure phone and email services. You can learn more about how your information is protected by reading my Privacy Policy.